The perfect mix: why I always love Neighbors

Network Ten

Charlene Mitchell, Henry Ramsay and Madge and Harold Bishop – characters from the long-running Australian soap opera Neighbors.

OPINION: I’ll admit something most of my closest friends don’t know: I’m a huge Neighbors fan.

Since 1987, I have spent about 84 days of my life engrossed in the lives of the citizens of Ramsay St. Forget politics, Erinsborough is my Mastermind subject specialist.

I know which Spice Girls made the cameo (Baby), the name of the real-life stalemate where exterior filming took place (Pin Oak Court) and who went sailing and never came back (Marlene).

Everyone remembers Bouncer’s dream, but do you know the name of Lucy Robinson’s dog, which she replaced? (Basil, he drowns – one of Guy Pearce’s best performances).

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I vividly remember the first character to die: spiky-haired stripper Daphne whispering “I love you Clarkey” to her husband Des in the wreckage of a wrecked car. When he returns to marry the innocent Jane-superbrain, it’s like being reunited with an old friend.

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Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan as Charlene and Scott.

The opening piano chords from Angry Anderson’s Suddenly take me straight to the sunlit nave of Holy Trinity Church where Scott Robinson and curly-haired mechanic Charlene Mitchell exchange their vows. (Harold and Madge, and Drew and Libby also got married there, another pointless thing I know.)

It was the soap wedding to end all soap marriages – and I was among the 20 million Brits who watched it.

Kylie Minogue and Jason Donovan were my childhood Romeo and Juliet. His debut album was the first cassette I owned, played so many times that the cassette wore out. God loves my poor mother who patiently ironed the canvas patch of the couple down the knee of my jeans.

I’m saving up for Kylie and Jason’s button-down badges, scarves, and t-shirts with their faces in hearts. The bomber jacket remains forever out of my pocket money.

Colin Murray/Twitter

Kylie Minogue bomber jacket from the 1980s.

Soap covers my whole life. Every day, I ran from the school bus to see what Henry, Mike, and Clive were doing. Its sunshine, suburban trivia, and carefree people are a world away from the gloom of Troubles and Thatcherism. They have a swimming pool…in the garden.

At university, my lunch routine was soap and sandwiches.

When the legendary Harold Bishop fell into the sea, it was like losing a grandparent. Long before death interrupted my life, Neighbors taught me about sadness and friendship.

Fortunately, Harold shows up five years later, working in a Salvation Army store, suffering from amnesia. That’s the beauty of soap – favorite characters can come back to lighten our loss. Madge persisted for several episodes, only on Harold’s mind after the campervan jokes.

DARRIAN TRAYNOR/Sydney Morning Herald

Neighboring cast members, including longtime stars Stefan Dennis, Ryan Moloney, Alan Fletcher and Jackie Woodburne.

From beyond the grave, Drew can warn Steph Scully that her cancer has returned. He awakens from his eternal slumber in a Halloween zombie attack. Neighbors can be pretty silly – Paul Robinson went back in time, met dinosaurs and changed the storyline for 30 years.

It is also a pop culture giant pushing the boundaries of feminism, pre-teen sex, same-sex marriage, disability, and gender identity. (It also gets its fair share of criticism for reinforcing heteronormative suburban stereotypes, and for racism).

When adults get in the way, streaming services keep me up to date. Earlier this month, on a work trip, I burst into tears in my hotel room blanket as Hendrix Grayson breathed his last.

Network 10

Don’t give me spoilers! The final episode of Neighbors aired this week and will premiere in New Zealand in September.

There are fewer of us fans now. At its peak, Neighbors was featured twice a day, reaching millions of Britons who grew up on the dismal Eastenders and Coronation Street diets.

The Queen Mother is said to have never missed an episode – and cowardly hotel boss Paul Robinson was Princess Diana’s favorite character.

The soap was so pervasive that it changed the speech patterns of an entire generation – our voices starting to rise towards the end of the sentence.

Economists credit it with introducing Brits to the outdoor lifestyle – as they embrace a culture of sun, sidewalk cafes and barbecue outside of their annual two-week holiday on the Costa Brava. Even a respected place of study, the University of Oxford added this series to its curriculum for the period of the 1990s.

I’ve been hiding my fandom for a long time. There is a stigma around soap operas that considers the audience to be shallow and empty. But it’s just entertainment, and there’s nothing wrong with indulging in a short break from the stress and serious business of everyday life.

So, with the show coming to a close, it’s time to celebrate the hours of entertainment and escapism it has given me – and the huge imprint it has made on my life.

So goodbye Neighbors. You really have become good friends.

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