Sometimes you just want to read a pure love story. It's Ivy and Yoey's - ABC Everyday
The love that Ivy McGowan and Yoey Maxwell have is a rare breed.
In the five years since they met by chance at a whimsical picnic in Naarm/Melbourne on Ivy’s 22nd birthday, it’s grown into something they both thought they only dared to dream of.
We asked them to share their stories with us.
What are your first impressions of each other?
Ivy: Looking back, it feels like things slowed down when I met Yoey. I remember feeling calm the first time we spoke.
They spoke to me as if I was the only person that mattered at the time even though there was so much else going on that day.
Yo: One of my first thoughts was, “Ooh, he’s a hugger!” Because Ivy gave me a big one when we met and I’m not exactly a cuddler, but it was really nice.
Then I remember thinking he was quiet and shy at the same time very warm and friendly.
When we spoke, he didn’t reveal much about himself, which gave me the impression that he was focused on making other people feel welcome and safe. I relate to that — trying to make people comfortable and asking people lots of questions.
It made me want to know more about him.
How did you start dating?
Ivy: We didn’t do the usual, “I’ll ask you out on a date”. We kept seeing each other at parties (to which Yoey was invited and which I happened to break) for about a year and a half after that day.
Yo: Yes, we were in the fuzzy space between friendship and romance for a while—I like to think of it as an extended courtship.
I’m finally fed up with only seeing each other in group settings. So I invited Ivy over for coffee and we had a funny chat and went for a walk and ate vegan donuts together, but I was still thinking, “Maybe we go out as friends? Maybe it’s a date? We don’t know”.
Ivy: But then on that fateful New Year’s Eve nearly five years ago, we had our chance thanks to some random parties we both attended and the construction of a kiss at the end of the countdown.
When everyone there shouted “One!” we looked at each other and kissed and time stopped again.
Yo: We don’t label anything until we feel completely comfortable with each other. But after we finally talked about our feelings, things got serious very quickly. We’re both very clingy—especially Ivy—but in the sweetest way.
In the first two weeks of dating, we created a playlist together called “Clingy” that contained all the songs we listened to when we felt clingy but we drifted apart.
When did you move?
Ivy: Before Yoey, I could never imagine living with a partner. I’ve always fallen in love very quickly on the dance floor, and I’ve always been heartbroken: trans girls like me rarely become princesses in movies.
But after a year and a half of dating, in 2019 I found out Yoey and I were able to build our queer and trans family of choice together.
Yo: I’ve made a rule for myself: I wasn’t allowed to move after just three months of dating because I didn’t want to be the stereotypical queer. [Ivy and Yoey laugh]. But yes, in a year and a half the timing felt right.
Ivy: Everything about building someone’s dream home in the years since has made me incredibly happy, from moving all of our books onto the same bookshelf to selecting and raising plants together and raising our three guinea pigs that I gave birth to. [Ivy laughs hysterically].
How has your relationship changed since then?
Ivy: I was diagnosed with adrenoleukodystrophy [a genetic neurological condition also known as ALD] when I was a kid and symptoms started developing in early 2019.
They’ve continued to develop since then, but because of how rare my condition is, we don’t know how fast it develops or how long I’ve had it. It has become a very big part of our relationship the last few years.
But as my body and brain abilities have changed and we’ve addressed my dementia, we’ve created a relationship that doesn’t live up to mainstream expectations. We’ve built something so beautiful that I don’t have the language to capture it.
Yo: When Ivy told me her illness was about to progress, I knew I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible. Since then, I started taking care of him full time.
Obviously, it’s a very different relationship to being an early to mid-20 year old kid who goes to a party together every weekend. There must be some really tough times—anyone who has experienced grief or cared for a loved one knows it’s all-encompassing and comes with a lot of grief.
But at the same time, my love for him grew in this ever-expanding way, and I also felt his love for me grow in that way.
We have built an emotional intimacy and concern for one another that is beyond anything I could have imagined.
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