Risa just wants to be left alone. So he started a secret society of female recluses
Risa Mickenberg lives in a New York City-style apartment, but she prefers to call the place by another name: her “cave.”
Despite being around eight million other people, Mickenberg avoids many social connections and relationships. Instead, he enjoys time in his cave or experiences the outside world alone.
And he’s not the only one living like this. Ms Mickenberg is the founder of “Hermettes”, a secret society of like-minded women who reclaim and celebrate female solitude.
“Women’s solitude is a taboo subject… [But] I think this lifestyle needs to be idealized,” he told ABC RN’s Sunday Extra.
‘Nothing is more valuable’
For most of her life, Ms Mickenberg was very friendly. He is an accomplished writer and director, working in film, TV, theater and advertising.
Also on his CV: Lead singer of eight power pop bands called Jesus H Christ and the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse (with songs including ‘Connecticut’s For F**king’).
But Ms Mickenberg’s view of the world and her place in it changes with age.
“I’m afraid to be alone. I want to get married and have children,” she said.
“[Then] I’ve had a few different experiences where I realized how much I love being alone… This experience made me realize that nothing is more valuable than the time I spend with myself.”
So Ms Mickenberg decided he was a hermit.
The ascetic lifestyle, or living in complete seclusion, stretches back thousands of years. It plays a role in different religions, seen as a path to spiritual improvement. In more modern times, this is a way to leave the social and economic structure of a community.
“The hermit always has a place in society [but] it’s usually a man’s ideal… [So] the idea is to make the word feminine,” she said.
Ms Mickenberg said she “summoned a group of people I think are Hermette’s fellows” and launched the group – or what she proudly deduces as an antisocial, deep-thinking secret society. With that, the group split up and Hermette was born.
“I’ve already [since] Look, there are so many women who really like to be alone,” Mickenberg said.
“Instead of being an embarrassing or embarrassing thing, or a secret, I think it should be something we really want to do.”
The Life of a Hermette
So what does Hermette’s life involve?
The way Ms Mickenberg describes it, it’s not about completely separating yourself from the rest of the world, but rather the choice to experience it for yourself, in your own way.
Ms Mickenberg says lifestyle can involve, “going into your shell and deciding how you really feel about things, what you really want, what you really want to say”.
When experiencing the outside world alone, “it really does get you connected in a deeper way to somewhere else… you discover things, you experience things, when you don’t try to stay connected with the same four old people. [for example]”.
And Hermette doesn’t have to be confined to one town or city.
“I think part of Hermette’s lifestyle is traveling around the world, and being alone in new places, because you connect with people and places differently when you travel alone.”
But it’s not all serious: Hermette also gets creative, even subversive, in their solitude.
Wooden telephones and magazines (occasionally)
Some Hermettes prefer to be less dependent on certain technologies than the rest of the population.
In this vein, Ms Mickenberg developed a special Hermette cell phone, which she described as “a piece of wood in the shape of a cell phone that gets no reception no matter where you are”.
According to material from the (non-telco-actual) “Hermette Wireless”: “Your phone doesn’t get Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, or Parler. You won’t get texts, calls, or emails. No meditation apps. No productivity apps. No apps at all. No podcasts. No maps. No games. No camera. Nothing.”
What, at first glance, seems utterly useless, this wooden fake phone is a symbol of the movement—a proud break from the social network so many of us rely on.
And while it may sound like a contradiction, there is a thriving Hermette network, connected through Ms Mickenberg’s Hermette Magazine.
It is described as “a publication that only goes out when desired”.
“I think magazines come out too often. I don’t know what this is [every] the month is, or this weekly thing, or the everyday thing… So why not publish a magazine when you really feel like you have something to say?” Ms Mickenberg said.
Only a handful of issues came out, with articles including “News for the modern hermit” and “Why the post office is even more powerful than you think”.
Not only women
Since its launch, Hermette has grown beyond New York City and now has dozens of members worldwide.
While much of the group’s philosophy is centered around women’s experiences, Ms Mickenberg insists anyone can be Hermette.
“People of all genders can become Hermette,” he said, adding that even a family could adopt the Hermette lifestyle.
“It’s solitude for people who may feel a greater obligation to connect with others… [And] people who give their lives too easily to others — it’s even more important for them to value their solitude.”
Ms Mickenberg hopes that one day society can become more accommodating to solitude, for example, “having a restaurant where everyone sits individually, even if you go there as a group”.
“You might meet someone else,” he said.
And whether Hermette’s lifestyle is right for you or not, Ms Mickenberg says we can all benefit from rethinking solitude.
“I think so [we can all] connecting to our solitude in a good way and knowing that people don’t need to be with each other all the time,” she says.
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